;D ;D
wigcrypt.blogspot.com/WWMD: What Would Matthew Do?
Two of our favorite Beyonceitis victims, Janet and Ashanti, are busy preparing comebacks as Beyonce goes away to shoot a movie, or record an album, or drive Jay to the senior center or whatever it is she does during her time off.
Janet's album is still scheduled to be released February 26, 2008 in the U.S. although it has been pushed back a month in Germany.
Ashanti's album was scheduled to be released November 1987 but will now be released June 3, 2008. Janet's 1st single was released to much buzz and acclaim but despite the buzz the single hasn't been moving up as quickly as her fans want it to. Janet just leaked 2 more tracks which may be the 2nd and 3rd singles off Discipline.
Ashanti just leaked the 5th 1st single off her album and people seem to like it.
So what's the problem?
These are both very critical "strike 3" albums for both artists.
If you recall Ashanti has struck out twice, first after she released her sophmore album in 2003 right as Beyonce released "Dangerously In Love". Apprently she didn't learn from that ass-whoopping because she released Concrete Rose in 2004. That's all I have to say about Concrete Rose.
Janet released two albums in 2004 and 2006. Both albums were decent, Grammy-nominated efforts but neither got a fair chance at mainstream radio or MTV.
Say what you want about Beyonce, but the strumpet knows how to sell an album. So we asked Matthew how he would help Janet and Ashanti.
Beyonceitis: How would you help Janet beat Beyonce?
Matthew: First of all it's not always about beating Beyonce. Everyone brings something different to the table. Beyonce is a MASSIVELY talented entertainer, probably the greatest entertainer in history. When God was passing out talent Beyonce got in line 3 times. Twice for talent, but the first time she thought it was the Popeye's line, so it was kind of accidental but she is nonetheless talented and embarrasses all of these so-called R&B chicks on her worse day. However Janet is a legend and a icon and has been here for awhile and **** so you have to respect that and give her a standing ovation at the BET Awards even when you don't want to.
Feedback is a good song and video, however you can't just release a song and video and think that's enough. You have to beat them over the head with the song until they buy it. When "Crazy In Love" came out we had Beyonce perfoming it EVERYWHERE. Good Morning America, The Morning Show, The Today Show, The Tonight Show, The Mid-Afternoon Show, The Late Show, Bobby Jones Gospel Hour, Meet The Press, The MTV Awards, The BET Awards, The ESPY Awards, The Essence Awards, The Source Awards, The American Music Awards, The Native American Music Awards, outside subway stations, the Super Bowl, The NBA Playoffs, the Special Olympics, we'd pay families $10,000 to let us come to funerals and let her pop out of caskets and sing "Crazy in Love". We didn't want to take the chance that there was somebody in the world that hadn't heard "Crazy In Love" and it worked. Crazy in Love is a classic record, it went #1 and it won a special Grammy for Best Song in the History of the Universe.
Beyonceitis: How would you help Ashanti?
Matthew: Who?
Beyonceitis: Ashanti?
Matthew: I'm sorry I don't know who that it is.
Beyonceitis: Semi-famous singer?
Matthew: No...
Beyonceitis: (whispers) Murder Inc.!
Matthew: Still not ringing a bell...
Beyonceitis: She was the Princess of Hip-Hop/Soul from May 2002 to mid-August 2002.
Matthew: Sorry...I still don't...
Beyonceitis: She was pecked to death by birds in Resident Evil.
Matthew: Oh, yeah! That **** was funny. I got it on my phone.
Beyonceitis: So how would you help her?
Matthew: Again, it's all about getting the music out to the people. Beyonce went on the Beyonce Experience World Tour (presented by Samsung and L'Oreal) and sold out arenas and stadiums around the world. My idea for Ashanti is the Ashanti Experience Tour (presented by Dollar General). Ashanti, of course plays to a different fan base than Beyonce, so Ashanti may not be able to sell out arenas, but with my help I bet she can tear the roof off some church bingo halls.
My idea for the entrance is sort of like how Beyonce came out under the sparkles and pyrotechnics. Of course pyro is probably not in Ashanti's budget but I propose that instead of sparkling fireworks raining down on her we have Ja Rule stand on a ladder and throw glitter down on her as she stands there with her diva pose and says "Ladies and Gentlemen...are you ready to be boooored?
What do you think?
Beyonceitis: Interesting concept. So what's going on with Solange's new album?
Matthew: She's playing around with different sounds and concepts. She now wants a more dance/pop/hip-hop sound, she wants to be like a female version of Ciara.
Beyonceitis: Interesting. Is it true that Beyonce has a special movie role coming up?
Matthew: Yes. I can confirm that starting in March Beyonce will be playing the role of Beyonce. Yes she will playing herself in a $50 Million biopic based on her life. It will start as she struggles in the mean streets of upper-middle class Houston, TX and her rise to become the most famous woman in the world. It's a very universal story it deals with issues that we all face on a daily basis, adversity, preseverance, courage, and hating-ass internet b***hes. She's currently with an acting coach trying to get herself down for movie. People may not realize how hard it is to play yourself in a movie.
Beyonceitis: What do you think will be the most difficult scene to shoot?
Matthew: Without a doubt, the scene where LaTavia and LaToya left Destiny's Child. Most people don't realize that LaTavia and LaToya left not because of money or management problems, but because we were at Red Lobster and there was one cheddar biscuit left and they took it not realizing there was a clause in their contract which states that in the event of one cheddar biscuit being left, it belongs to Beyonce. And that night at Red Lobster it really hurt Beyonce to lose her friends and her bandmates, and it hurt her even more to have to snatch LeTavia and LeToya bald because they took a cheddar biscuit that legally belonged to her. So Beyonce will definitly tap into that emotion and hurt for the scene and I expect her to win an Oscar next year.
Beyonceitis: We'll have our fingers crossed.